Return Window: The Rejects

The things I spent my money on and now spend my time boxing up to send away. I want them gone and my money back. Consider this my public service announcement in response to all the stuff Substack told us to buy. I’m not naming the people, just the products.

Final Sale: The Shit We’re Stuck With

No returns, no exchanges. Not even the annoying store credit that forces you to buy something you don’t want. Some of it I bought. The rest we’re all just paying for. Lately, it’s mostly politics. You were warned.

Check out wearing the “financially responsible” version from Zara. Since she first shared this I watched the page diligently, awaiting it’s arrival in the hopes of snagging it. Nope - it went from not available to sold out.

Keepers: What’s bringing us delight

I won’t name the people whose stuff I’m returning. I’ll absolutely name the ones who got it right.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

Episodes

Upcoming Shows

9/24/26: The Return Window with guest Laura LeBleu

of Geezer — the only print magazine just for Gen X — joins The Return Window live at 7:15 PM Central.

The Return Window with Laura LeBleu

9/17/26: The Return Window with guest Chris Stanton

of Stantonland joins The Return Window with Rani live at 7:15 PM Central.

The Return Window w/ guest Chris Stanton

9/10/26: The Return Window with Rani

9/3/26: The Return Window with Rani

Sept. 3 @ 7:15 PM Central

Past Episodes

8/27/26: The Return Window with Guest Laurie Frankel

Guest is author who wrote the book Enormous Wings. Read about the significance of the book here ⬇️

Aug. 27 with Laurie Frankel

8/20/26: The Return Window with Rani

Thur Aug. 20 7:15 PM Central

What’s The Return Window with Rani?

Substack Live on Retail Therapy

You’ve seen the unboxing and the haul videos. This isn’t that. I’m not going to ask you to spend your free time oohing and ahhing over someone else’s stuff. Especially when they didn’t even pay for.

• Return Window: the rejects. The things I spent my money on and now spend my time boxing up to send away. I want them gone and my money back. Consider this my public service announcement in response to all the stuff Substack told us to buy. I’m not naming the people, just the products.

• Final Sale: the shit we’re stuck with. No returns, no exchanges. Not even the annoying store credit that forces you to buy something you don’t want. Some of it I bought. The rest we’re all just paying for. Lately, it’s mostly politics. You were warned.

• Keepers: what’s bringing us delight. I won’t name the people whose stuff I’m returning. I’ll absolutely name the ones who got it right.

Join Radio, the return labels and me to work our way through the boxes of regrets and get them hauled away. You bring your commentary and cocktails.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.

When I suit Radio up to go for a walk, we have to clear the packages from the front porch, just so we can get outside. By the time we return, more stuff is piled up. I have a problem - for real.

Each buy is a quick hit of hope - that this will be the item that turns things around. But it never does.

That’s why I write about why I shop – I’m trying to figure it out. For myself. You won’t see me telling anyone what to buy.

British fashion journalist spent her career in fashion media telling us what to buy. Now she’s a sustainability activist with a megaphone at It’s Not Sustainable.

Her is a campaign that limits us to five new items a year and four second-hand ones. Just typing these words makes me sweat with terror.

The career shift suits her. As she explained: “I only buy things I want to keep forever.”

It makes me rethink every purchase. Ever.

Three Keepers

3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen

No. 1 — black leather mini dress

A black leather A line mini dress I bought in 1995 from Joseph in London's Brompton Cross. It was half price in the sale but already twice as much as I had ever paid for anything at that point. It was also damn sexy. To my twentysomething self, it was like a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis. I still wear it now - only with tights and a blouse underneath, and a red lip. It is still perfection.

No. 2 — Miu Miu frock coat

A pinky red Miu Miu frock coat from around 2009. I was gifted it by the brand for featuring an interview with Mrs. Prada on the cover of the magazine I edited. I would never have bought it for myself which would have been a mistake as every time I wear it it makes me happy. The colour is joyous and the cut is of course exactly right. It works in those in between seasons when it's too warm for a wool coat, and then too cool for shirt sleeves.

No. 3 — A Missoni gown

A Missoni floor length, spaghetti strap, backless gown that I want to be buried in when I die, (my daughter may get in the way of this). Its beauty is heart stopping: a mottled pink and grey floating, floor length chiffon with a strip of embroidered sequins round the neckline, and a criss cross strap at the plunging back.

One Regret

now the regret

When I was sticking to my Rule of Five (only 5 items of clothing a year) I wasted one precious purchase on an over priced crochet black skirt from a vintage store. I think the fabric is a polyester cotton mix (yuk - I didn't question it at the time) and it is incredibly difficult to wear because it's see-through, so you need great pants and a thigh gap. Alas, I only have one of those two things and so I have never worn it.

Why I’m Still Shopping

I could be Tiffanie’s poster child for unsustainability. And it’s taking a toll - on me. I’m driving myself crazy with the constant buying and returning.

Tiffanie’s approach to only buying what you plan to keep speaks to me. While I’m not going to limit myself to five items – that would be insane – I do think the mindset has merit. Trying it as a mantra a few days a week is giving me pause.

Instead of thinking “maybe,” I’d be saying “highly unlikely so don’t waste your time.” I wouldn’t have to constantly organize and clean out my closet.

I’m going to sit with the idea. But I do need to get one thing off my chest. I recently bought a white skirt and white pants – both are see-through. I don’t have great panties or a thigh gap, yet I’m wearing both. Happily. Just not at the same time.

Thanks to of It’s Not Sustainable.

Find her book, What to Wear and Why, at Barnes & Noble.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

Last summer, my boss took his sabbatical from work. Once you’ve reached 10 consecutive years, you can take off 30 business days, which ends up being at least six weeks. Paid.

He came back a different person – in the best of ways. He traveled to his 7th continent and started throwing himself out of airplanes. He calls it skydiving, but whatever. Now every time he presents to a crowd, which is often, he shares a quote attributed to Dolly Parton, sometimes with a photo of his family at Dollywood. He’s a real fan.

“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.”

Dolly didn’t follow that advice. Dolly spent her time building a living so that nobody could ever take away her life.

It’s not always realistic, for any of us, to just live life. Previously I had the boss who’d spend their vacation working, setting a horrible precedent that everyone starts to perceive as an expectation. It’s a bad example and hurts morale. Everyone questions why they’re not viewed as capable or trustworthy with this work. Who knows, maybe they hate their family and don’t want to spend time with them.

Dolly’s quote is a reminder for me of the shift I need to stick with. I’ve ruined vacations worrying about work. I’ve cancelled trips to stay home, just to work. It’s pathetic.

I’m eligible for my sabbatical next July. I dream of spending time at a writer’s residency. Which means I need to find ones of interest and get a piece ready to submit. Because you have to get accepted. It’s work I want to do. It’s important to me. It’s an investment in myself. But that’s also a luxury when you’re crossing your toes in hopes of keeping your job.

Which is actually what Dolly pushed women to do – to take control and not rely on anyone else. She encouraged women to make a living. So they had options and could take care of themselves. Financially. No matter what.

"I think it's so important that they take control of their own business," she said in 2020, accepting Billboard's Hitmaker Award at Women in Music.

It’s why Dolly started her own publishing company at 20, before the hits. Even though it wasn’t the norm, she recognized the need to own the rights to her music. So she could control how it was used.

It’s why Dolly turned down Elvis on the song “I Will Always Love You.” He wanted half the publishing rights and she refused. When Whitney Houston covered the song in 1992, the royalties banked Dolly $10 million, just in that decade.

She amassed a $650 million fortune. Dolly continued to live in the same county, kept the same aesthetic and stayed with the same husband. Unlike many who go from nothing to millions, she didn’t buy a new life.

But the stories surrounding Dolly swelled.

In 1995 Dolly founded The Imagination Library to honor her father, who couldn’t read. It has mailed more than 300 million books to kids – for free.

Dolly didn’t fund a book giveaway. She built a machine that operates the program. Her Dollywood Foundation covers administration. States and local partners fund the books and shipping, often on a 50/50 match.

The only reason we know she donated $1 million to Vanderbilt University to help fund research that led to the development of the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine, is because the information was released in a research paper.

The rumors about Dolly were always bigger than her life. Her total giving is unknown because some was done through her foundation, other money was distributed by partner-funded work and there are decades of individual gifts she made and that were never tracked. What’s known is that her causes connected to the concerns she could see. Literally. Checks to families in her county when their homes burned. Books because her father couldn’t read.

She might be one of the most beloved singers, and someone who’s been able to cross divides. But she’s also been one of the most lied-about women in America.

October 2025, an AI-generated photo went around showing Reba McEntire allegedly at Dolly’s deathbed. In response, Dolly made a video: “Ooh, Lordy. They had Reba at my deathbed... I wanted you to know that I’m not dying.”

The false reports were often flattering. They weren’t stories to hurt Dolly. The stories made Dolly more of who people wanted to believe she was. She became a container people wanted to fill.

Upon her death Aug. 25, some online listed her lifetime giving at $500 million. The number can’t be verified, but it’s more flattering and less impressive than the likely truth.

“Everybody’s going to use you if they can,” Dolly is famous for saying.

It’s why she built her living first, before anyone was listening. Dolly assumed she’d be robbed.

Dolly’s entire operating system was built on the belief a woman who doesn’t own her work will have it taken away. She built a reading operation that made states and church groups pay half, and covered the admin herself so the organization would survive her. That’s the truth that nobody is quoting.

Dolly is synonymous with Nashville, big hair and rhinestones. Was that her life or the way to make a living?

“Dolly called me and said she wants to rest in a beautiful bed of plush cotton because, after a life wearing heavy rhinestones, she finally deserves to be comfortable and have some rest,” her nephew Bryan Seaver said when he announced her death.

She was buried next to her late husband, Carl Dean, in Nashville. Supposedly in her signature stilettos.

I wonder why she waited until the afterlife for something cozy and soft.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Thanks to Laurie Frankel for joining The Return Window — Live!

Did the video abruptly end? Yes. I somehow kicked myself out of the Substack Live. But, here’s Laurie’s playlist we discussed at the end.

Author joins me on The Return Window with Rani for a live conversation Thursday Aug. 27 at 7:15 PM Central. Learn about Enormous Wings and find Laurie on Substack at .

The Return Window 8/27 @ 7:15 PM Central

Here's the post if you missed it. Thursday I get to ask Laurie about the book, and whether it's been banned anywhere.

The chat will be open during our Live conversation, so bring your questions. You can also add them in the comments section below.

Leave a comment

Looking forward to seeing everyone Thursday. Bring your commentary and your cocktail!

Retail Therapy is why we buy.

The Return Window is what happens next.

New to the show? Learn about it here.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.

One of my favorite parts of my job is the small but mighty team I’m a part of. We’re all in different states, countries and continents. We’re all English speakers. Yet I grew up playing Chutes and Ladders while my Irish colleague played the same game as Snakes and Ladders. Clearly her name is better.

I started 3 Keepers in May to see what would happen. It’s way better than I imagined but I realized I had only featured women, and all of them were American. So last week you met , whose regret is a Hermès tea set for his daughter. Not to worry, he knows I’ll take it off his hands.

This week we’re leaving the country. of of Scotland is the second Substack I ever paid for, after of and . I subscribed to The Shift (it’s a very easy word to type wrong) because her weekly roundup shares articles I haven’t seen and highlights stories that didn’t surface in the U.S. I want to be surprised and Sam delivers.

Three Keepers

3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen

Basically I’m a uniform dresser — uniform dressing changed my life and transformed my mornings!

The Shift With Sam Baker

The time, life and brain-space-saving power of a uniform

This is The Shift’s monthly free-to-read post. If you’d like to receive new posts every week and support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber…

Read more

2 years ago · 233 likes · 81 comments · sam baker

No. 1 — My M&S men’s pinstripe blazer

I am menswear all the way — especially when it comes to tailoring. I bought this dark navy pinstripe suit jacket several years ago — five? Six? Maybe more. From British high street retailer M&S. I think it was £149. Quite a commitment but not a lot for good quality tailoring and material. And have lived in it ever since. It’s become my go-to armor when I have to go on stage — which is quite a lot. I’m not a smart person, but fling this on with jeans and boots and I instantly feel able to face the audience.

No. 2 — Raey jeans

Like every other woman I know I have spent my life in search of the perfect jeans. Of course the definition of perfect changes like the weather, but fundamentally boils down to making you feel better about yourself not worse! Raey doesn’t exist any more but it was the in-house label of the other British online fashion retailer Matches (since bought and folded by Mike Ashley but I won’t go into that or we’ll be here all day). I adored Raey’s “classics with edge” but honestly the price point was a bit steep. Something I could close my eyes to for the jeans. I have about five pairs — baggy dad jeans in black, white and blue, a loose straight pair and super wide. I really wish I’d bought three pairs of the loose straight style bc they’re unmatched.

No. 3 — Ghost dress

A sentimental one, this. I was editor of UK Cosmo when the fashion director borrowed this dress for me for a big party. Can’t remember the party, have never forgotten the frock. Designed by Tanya Sarne for her label, Ghost, in its heyday, it’s a real fairy princess dress, so could hardly be less me, in a muted grey-green, made from embroidered muslin and with an asymmetric hem.

Like I said, very un-me. Even with big boots. It was a sample and the PR let me keep it. I don’t know if it ever went into production. I still have it tucked away in a cupboard - one of the few things that I’ve kept from my magazine editor days. It no longer fits (fat chance!) and has zero hanger appeal, but I can’t imagine I’ll ever part with it.

One Regret

now the regret

A regret? Just one?! Seriously there are so so many. I have spent my adult life making expensive fashion mistakes — or at least I did when I was a magazine editor, telling myself it was my job to wear that stuff that made me feel like somebody else. Which was kind of the point. When I left that world I set about giving it all away to charity (although now I wish I’d Vinted it, but still…) so let’s just say all the money I wasted on NET-A-PORTER between 2009 and 2014.

Why I’m Still Shopping

Before Sam shared her Keepers, she gave a preamble. Respect. This is totally something I would do. It’s like when I was being assessed by a clinical psychologist for a job. Apparently, I critiqued the pencils I was given to use. Who does that? Me. Allegedly. The odd part is I got the job. I’ve been ghosted nearly every time I’ve had to take a personality assessment. An entire company of people who “fit” – and I don’t.

I’d read Sam’s post on being a “uniform dresser” multiple times before she brought it to my attention. I have it bookmarked to share with the world. For those like me who struggle to get dressed. Every. Single. Day. I have a closet full of clothes — more than one, actually — and nothing to wear. I keep trying, believing that my next purchase will be my epiphany. So I can share how I, too, finally nailed the uniform. But I haven’t. I want to be that person. I’m not.

Big thanks to of

Already subscribed? Smart.

Now restack it — that's what moves this thing.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

I finally returned my overdue library book yesterday. I’m typically a conscientious patron, not holding onto something I know others are waiting to read. But this time I wasn’t ready to let go.

You know when you read something and the story just seeps into every pore? That’s what this book did. More than once, I wanted to scream out loud. I’ve lost count of the number of male doctors who’ve dismissed why I’m there. Or they try to mansplain away my symptoms. I’ve even had them misdirect me, just to protect their own fragile ego.

I hate feeling horrified and helpless. It’s how felt again reading Enormous Wings by .

My holds were piling up. The library won’t let you check out anything new when you’ve got an overdue book. So I had to return Enormous Wings before Laurie and I go live on The Return Window with Rani Aug. 27 @ 7:15 PM Central.

The book is about a 77-year-old woman who gets pregnant living in a retirement home. When Laurie first started her book, it was set in Seattle. She moved the setting to Austin after abortion became illegal in the state where I live.

Roe v. Wade started in Dallas, where Wade was the district attorney. It then was lawful for 49 years, until June 2022 when the Supreme Court overturned Roe. Texas and 12 other states have banned abortion outright. Eleven more have provisions more strict than Roe. It means I have outlived a woman’s constitutional right to an abortion.

So I was ok holding onto the book. I more than paid for it with my $11,418 property tax bill. Welcome to Texas.

I’m pleasantly surprised I could even borrow Laurie’s book at all, given the Lone Star State loves to ban books. Three states — Florida, Texas and Tennessee — account for 80% of the school book bans nationwide. Texas was second highest, with 1,781 school book bans during the 2024–25 academic year. Once it works it’s repeated.

Public libraries and schools have been exempt from obscenity prosecution. Until now. As of July 30, this longstanding protection was reversed in Arkansas. Now a librarian who hands a minor a book they know is “harmful” can face up to a year in jail.

To get in front of all that, I bought my own copy of Enormous Wings. To support Laurie and to reference during our live conversation on Aug. 27. Don’t bother to chide me. I know I’m going to hell for buying books on Amazon. And while I hate to say never given what we’ve witnessed, here I go. Nobody can take my copy off my shelf.

Which is what our conversation will be about. Retail Therapy is why we buy. The Return Window is what we keep. Join Laurie and I when we go live Aug. 27 at 7:15 PM Central.

If you’ve got questions you want to make sure we discuss, drop them in the comments. They’re open to everyone.

Leave a comment

Return Window

• Return Window: the rejects. The things I spent my money on and now spend my time boxing up to send away. I want them gone and my money back. Consider this my public service announcement in response to all the stuff Substack told us to buy. I’m not naming the people, just the products.

Three pair of shoes, all from the same brand. In my never-end quest for perfect sandals. Cute and comfortable. Function and fashion. Feels impossible

Final Sale

• Final Sale: the shit we’re stuck with. No returns, no exchanges. Not even the annoying store credit that forces you to buy something you don’t want. Some of it I bought. The rest we’re all just paying for. Lately, it’s mostly politics. You were warned.

Asinine Electric-Shock Gloves for ICE

I wish I could believe that spending $20 million on gloves that deliver electric shocks is a passive aggressive way for ICE to acknowledge they can’t control their guns. But it’s not. It’s just another inhumane way to harm innocent people.

But I do look forward to hearing about all the ones who can’t control themselves. And touch themselves a lot. While still wearing the gloves.

Tells it Best…With Pictures

Open Windows- Ann Telnaes

ICE and electric shock gloves

Open Windows- Ann Telnaes is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber…

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20 days ago · 1450 likes · 160 comments · Ann Telnaes

Tariff Takedown

Remember all those illegal tariffs we’ve been paying? Already $100 billion has been refunded back to these companies that collected the money from us. We’re just not seeing anything because many are just pocketing the money and reporting it as profit.

Take retailer Dillard’s. Sales were up 1%, which is nothing. The company reported net income of $98 million for the second quarter. Nearly one-third came from the $37 million in tariff refunds it received.

And this is on the small side. Read about the billions of dollars we’re not getting back.

People Getting Too Many Chances

I want to know if Phia co-founder Phoebe Gates would have a chance in hell at a second shot if her dad was one of the richest people on the planet.

If you haven’t kept up on how this startup has stolen money from people who actually have to make a living to survive, has all the details over on New Motives.

New Motives

What Bloomberg Didn't Ask About Phia and ShopMy

Quick disclosure before we get into it: some of this is confirmed (Bloomberg reporting, Ben Edelman’s reporting), some of it is mine and still developing. I’ve tried to keep those two things clearly …

Read more

2 months ago · 244 likes · 87 comments · Ali Kriegsman

Abortion

Abortion is completely banned in 13 states, including Texas, where I live. It’s insane. Several other states ban the procedure early in pregnancy (such as at 6 weeks), which heavily restricts or virtually halts access.

Author wrote the book Enormous Wings, detailing what it’s like living in a state where abortion is illegal and need to terminate a pregnancy.

Laurie is my guest next week on The Return Window. Women’s Rights have become a Final Sale. This shit sucks.

The Return Window Aug. 27 7:15 PM

Keepers

• Keepers: what’s bringing us delight. I won’t name the people whose stuff I’m returning. I’ll absolutely name the ones who got it right.

Senate Race Toss-Up in Ohio & Texas

One of the best things I’ve read all week. The Cook Political report now views the US Senate races in Ohio and Texas as a toss-up.

Finally, as someone who lives in Texas, I may actually have representation from someone who’s views align with mine. I get chills thinking that has a shot at becoming the Senator from Texas. The last thing any of us need is yet another criminal in Washington.

Apparently Money Can’t Buy Everything

The one Place Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg and Jared Kushner can’t buy their way into? An old-school country club in Miami that isn’t interested in the nouveau riche. This article in the WSJ (gift link) is giving me everything I need right now.

The Return Window Aug. 27 7:15 PM Central

Join me and author next week for a live conversation. Bring your commentary and cocktail. The chat will be open.

The Return Window Aug. 27 7:15 PM

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

Get ready for The Return Window with Rani. Live tonight @ 7:15 PM Central, here on Substack. Bring your commentary and cocktails.

Tonight’s live stream 7:15 PM Central

Wondering what the hell The Return Window with Rani is about? If it were live right now, here’s a sample of what I’d talk about.

Segment 1: Return Window

The rejects. The things I spent my money on and now spend my time boxing up to send away. I want them gone and my money back. Consider this my public service announcement in response to all the stuff Substack told us to buy. I’m not naming the people, just the products.

These four are already in the mail, which is why they’re here and not on camera tonight.

Total damage: $812.98

Clothes & Shoes from the Brands of Substack

Massimo Dutti

Can’t say where I first read about this ‘you’ll die without this’ brand, but clearly I was convinced it was a must.

Soft leather mules: black | $220

Why I Ordered Them: I’ve already been obsessing over fall footwear, even though they won’t be on my feet until at least October in Dallas. Nonetheless, I felt I’d simply combust without a soft, easy slip-on mule.

Size for me is always a dilemma, whether it’s shoes or pants. Radio, my doodle dog, measured my foot. Twice. We even double checked the website measuring guidance to ensure we got the full toe-to-heel number. The chart said a size 10 perfectly aligned. Data never lies.

The Arrival: Nice packaging. The leather was soft with a lived-in feel. But when I tried them on they were way too big.

I also realized my epic mistake. Most of the fall images show a shoe barely covering the toes. This shoe was shoved up against my ankle. Worse, they looked like house shoes, at best.

On my feet, I felt like Hugh Hefner, and that’s just not a kosher look.

Long sleeve flowing polo shirt: green | $130

The Arrival: The color is a gorgeous kelly green with a silky finish. From the photos I could tell it would be sorta slouchy. The reality was absurd. A small hit against my knees. There isn’t an ounce of polish to the look, and it’s 100% sheer. Not a look I can pull off in tech.

MARGAUX

Why I Ordered Them: It’s surprising we’re not all unconscious from the number of times we’ve been hit in the face by this brand. I’m still looking for my perfect summer sandals – still! – and they continue to elude me. So when these showed up at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, each pair at $100 off, I figured why not.

MX 35 Sandal: 40 EU W in Saddle Calf | $211.99

The Arrival: Isn’t this one of the ones people brag about walking 10K steps in? I had read that it runs narrow, so I went up to a size 10 wide. Typically I’m a 9 but clearly that varies by brand. I still couldn’t even squeeze my foot into this shoe. Even if I had gotten these for free I wouldn’t have kept them.

Deia 50 Sandal: 39.5 EU M in Black Nappa | $250.99

Why I Ordered Them: This was supposed to be the shoe that made me stop lusting after the Suzanne 50MM heeled sandals in black from Aeyde. Since I’ve heard people attest to being able to walk in the Suzannes all day, I’ve been captivated. It’s a great looking shoe but I keep tripping on the $595 price tag. So I keep trying to find something to douse this urge.

The Arrival: The Deia isn’t it. The shoe was too big and trying to walk in it felt like a little kid wearing their mom’s heels. No bueno.

And that’s only one of three show segments

Segment 2: Final Sale

This is the stuff you can’t send back. Tonight: the $20 million ICE gloves and the states that have outlawed abortion, because there’s no return window on that one either.

Segment 3: Keepers

The stuff that actually works. Tonight: the one place Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg and Jared Kushner cannot buy their way into.

You have to show up for those. Tonight 7:15 PM Central

Next week on The Return Window with Rani

Aug. 27 Author Laurie Frankel

Next week will join me on to discuss her novel Enormous Wings. You’ll hear why she set the book in Texas, where I live, on purpose. I can attest – this shit is real. She nails what it’s like to be a woman of child-bearing age living in a red state. You should be frightened.

Aug. 27: The Return Window

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.

I published the first 3 Keepers & a Regret on May 27 because the actual said yes. It’s only now that I realize how well known she is, which is good because I probably would have been scared to ask otherwise. I didn’t know if this would take or if anyone but me would be interested. I love when I’m wrong! Every Wednesday since, I’ve been thrilled to share unique women right here on Substack. Including , the queen of the questionnaire, here.

I’ve realized two things:

1. It’s all been women

2. All the voices are from the US

So I’m expanding, by design. This week it’s the first man. The first guest outside the US is already in the queue. So is the one after that. And let’s just say London Calling.

Which brings us to the 3 Keepers’ first male guest, of . I’m just starting to get to know John, joining his coaching program to work with him on how I can grow Retail Therapy. Another 3 Keepers guest, , has written about how John has helped her with Geezer. I then vetted him further with her, because buyer’s remorse is a thing for me. And before letting John take it away, I did let him know he would be the first man to share his Keepers. Which makes me wonder, would he have answered differently if I hadn’t told him? We’ll never know.

Three Keepers

3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen

No. 1 — My mother’s dining room table

My mother's dining room table and chairs sit in my dining room, in our wonderful place round which we regularly have meals with family, my wife, my daughter, our step-children, and friends. Both the chairs and the table are priceless to me. They're also one of a kind and hand-made from an artisan on Cape Cod.

No. 2 — My laptop

If I were accosted on the street and was trying to be mugged, I would fight to keep my laptop if it were with me because that is my center of all the work I do.

No. 3 — My Tiffany’s wedding band

My Tiffany's wedding band that my wife bought for me. Marriage and family are everything to me. But our home isn't our home, without the marriage that my wife and I worked very hard to maintain and build.

One Regret

now the regret

I bought a set of Hermes dishes and cups for my daughter on her first birthday, thinking it would be this wonderful keepsake and couldn't wait to give it her, only to realize when the time came to unwrap it, it was a monumentally selfish and extravagant gift that my two-year-old was not going to know how to enjoy. My wife also thought it was a bit silly. I happen to think that the plates and bowls and cups are very beautiful, but I could have used that money to get my daughter something that she really loves and would have fun playing with, not a possession that would ultimately sit in her father's office someday.

Why I’m Still Shopping

What John didn’t share is that he learned how to grow a business inside his family’s company. If you’ve never had a chance to be around a family business, there’s nothing like it. Watch Succession to see for yourself. The family business is why his mom’s dining room set is an heirloom to him. Not because it’s one-of-a-kind, but because of what got spilled on it, daily.

If you scratch a little deeper, all of John’s keepers represent the people in his life. His mom and a ring from his wife. His laptop is John. His role in the family is being John. It’s a big aspiration for me.

Everything John kept was a gift. It’s what he bought for his daughter that’s his regret. It reminds me of when my mom bought me a pink fur coat as a kid. She was so excited. I cried. John’s daughter may want the Hermès dishes. If not, I’ll take them out of his office. You can’t buy an heirloom into existence.

It’s like when I graduated college early and moved to Idaho for a job as a business reporter. I romanticized the whole thing. It would be an adventure. I’d suddenly become an “outdoor girl.” I bought a Trek mountain bike and had the tires filled with goo, which I didn’t know was a thing. Turns out I just wanted to shop for the part. I had to break a 6-month lease so I could leave.

I kept the bike. During Covid I found a service to come to the house and tune our bikes so we’d have something to do. They fixed Gary’s. They told me mine was worthless. They charged me to haul it away.

Big thanks to of

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

Remember that $2K tariff dividend check that Donald Trump promised all of us? I’m curious what you bought with yours. I’ve had my eye on the David Yurman toggle chain necklace at 11mm. It’s $2,150, almost a wash. The problem is, I haven’t gotten my check.

Trump first promised us a $2,000 dividend from all the collected tariffs in Nov. 2025. In Feb. of this year, the Supreme Court killed the tariffs and called them illegal taxes. Five days later, Trump re-promised us our dividend checks at the State of the Union. I’m afraid I’ve spent mine. More than once.

Yes, it’s dumb math and I’ll own it. An excuse to spend. But is it so crazy to think I might be getting some money back? As of July 31, $129 billion in refunds had been approved. That is a shit-ton of money.

Already $100 billion of that has been paid in refunds to the companies that collected these tariffs from us.

So where is my refund? Retailers, for the most part, are keeping the money. Letting it fall straight to the bottom line.

Take Apple, which got $2.2 billion in refunds. That money accounted for 5% of the company’s Q2 per-share earnings.

Tariff refunds may be the biggest unearned profit in the stock market right now.

On a 1:1 ratio, we paid the full cost of the tariff. Never mind the President’s insistence this would never happen. Analysis from the Federal Reserve shows a $1 tariff charged resulted in a $1 price increase for us.

ABC News reported that Amazon acknowledged passing tariff costs to customers. Amazon “identified a limited set of circumstances where we can trace that we pass specific import charges on to customers.”

Some shoppers aren’t standing still, filing lawsuits to get back what is effectively our money. More than 80 cases have been filed against retailers and brands. There are proposed class action lawsuits against companies for “double dipping” claiming they’re collecting the tariffs from us and then again in the form of a refund from the government. These are the cases against Amazon, Lululemon and Fabletics. Suits against Nike, Nintendo and Costco and IKEA talk about how the companies easily collected the money but haven’t allowed a way for us to get our refunds.

There is one set of businesses that seems to be operating on principle. Shippers like UPS, FedEx and DHL are offering direct refunds to customers.

• UPS said it collected $5 billion in tariffs

• FedEx said it’s in the process of issuing $800 million in tariff refunds

In a world that no longer seems to care about doing anything out of principle, the shippers could have kept all that money and booked it as profit too. They didn’t.

Who didn’t keep their word? The list is long. The president. Retailers. Brands. It’s why I’m still not wearing a David Yurman toggle chain necklace.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.

For a beat you could look at of fame and imagine that we’re similar. We both went to journalism school and had professors who tried to scare us out of the field. Neither of us is a reporter now. The difference is I still tried.

I insisted on reporting until I got tired of being objective. I wanted a seat at the table so I could share my opinionated POV. I can’t shake the skills that make you a good reporter, like eavesdropping and asking questions that make people squirm. You can’t make assumptions, either. Everything has to be considered, checked and verified. Which means when I’m shopping, everything has possibilities. Nothing is a no.

Meanwhile Kelly built something steadier, “living somewhere between minimalism and maximalism.” When she’s standing in front of something desirable, I imagine her ease and effervescence. She already knows the answer.

I’m so jealous I could scream. I’ve lost count of the stores that closed while I was still inside. The item may not be there tomorrow, so I made the purchase. Only to decide to return it before I’ve even made it home to try it on. Hello all clothing from Costco, I’m talking to you.

Not Kelly. She can tell us — and herself — when we’re done shopping. She knows when it’s time to shop in her closet. I don’t know how to be done. I’m not sure I want to.

Three Keepers

3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen

No. 1 — black cotton dress from my mom

My first keep is a simple black cotton dress that I stole from my mom's closet years ago. It's an obscure brand that would probably return some interesting second-hand results but it fits perfectly with a built in tie at the waist. The shape of the dress has held up so well over the years and the color hasn't faded at all which definitely says something about the way clothes were made in previous generations. Every time I wear it, I feel very 90s Posh Spice (which my 8 year old self would be thrilled with) and, of course, I think of my mom every time I put it on.

No. 2 — Converse sneakers

As a junior in college I took a group of middle-school girls to camp for the summer and wore a pair of very on-trend Converse sneakers for the week. If you thought I took kids to camp simply out of the goodness of my heart, you'd be wrong because my boyfriend was also a counselor for the summer and getting to see him multiple times a day was a thrill. Sitting around one day, he wrote an inscription on my sneakers that has *magically* stayed after all these years. The boyfriend became my husband and Converse sneakers fade in and out of style but mine will always, always be the first thing I rescue from my closet.

No. 3 — daughter’s charm bracelet

I’ve never been someone who bought or wore fine jewelry but I’ve always loved the idea of having jewelry to hand down to my kids. I’m a massively sentimental person so around the time my first daughter had her first birthday I had an idea to buy her a charm bracelet and a charm to memorialize her first year. Now every year, on her birthday, I get her a charm that represents the previous year. And I will happily buy her a charm every year that she’ll let me.

In recent years, she loves to sit down with me and scroll through the catalog of available charms and brainstorm what one could really represent something special from the year. We love to tell each other stories about each charm and it gives me major nostalgia feels whenever she wears it around. If my house was on fire, I’d battle the blaze for her bracelet (and her sisters).

One Regret

now the regret

My regret is a bit non-traditional because, frankly, I have the chance to rectify this regret all the time. For years I've been tinting my eyebrows at home and- at some point- I promised myself that I would get them microbladed (aka tattooed). Usually my at-home tint wears off after 2-3 weeks and it's about that time that my regret really kicks in.

Why I’m Still Shopping

Really? It could be that easy, huh?

Kelly’s keepers are her people: her mom, her husband and daughters. They’re the subscriptions of her life.

Sorta like me with Radio. Anything and everything that boy wants or needs is his. But he is not spoiled.

Systems be damned, Kelly perfected Retail Therapy. She found something she can buy forever that never comes with regret “every year that she’ll let me.”

She can fix her eyebrows any time she wants, but hasn’t. Meanwhile, I consider the things I couldn’t return. My custom ear plugs. Laser hair removal, done religiously everywhere possible, years before it was the rage. Same for Lasik surgery, to correct my vision. At least the first time.

Thanks to of

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

On July 10 I ordered the new Play-Doh Blooms flower kit aimed at adults. I paid $24.97. My money. Hasbro didn’t send me this for free. It was my birthday weekend. I wanted the familiar scent, a nostalgic hit even though I refuse to get older.

Hell, the entire weekend fell apart. I didn’t get the flight of ice cream flavors I planned on. I didn’t even get my Thai dinner. The restaurant boxed my food as a to-go order instead of serving it to me. I had a massage appointment, so I had to decide to skip eating or relax. I picked the massage. Play was never going to happen.

Later I made a date with myself to try it out. Another time I invited my neighbor to join me. I planned to film a before-and-after video. I was going to write a post about it, assuming it would be fun even if it turned out ugly.

A month later, the kit still sits in the box. Unopened. I’ve only touched it to move it. It keeps getting in the way.

I’m repeating my worn pattern. Where I buy the thing in hopes of being the person who does that thing. But instead that thing just sits in the box. Until I return it or donate it. Clothes for an activity I never start. Supplies for a hobby I never get around to.

At what age will I stop trying to be someone I’m not? It’s exhausting.

And clearly profitable. Hasbro, Lego and Mattel all sell items for the “kidult” audience. Yes, that’s supposed to be us.

More toys are sold for adults than for preschoolers, Circana found in a 2024 report. Sharing be damned.

I have a friend with a December birthday. I got her the Lego Christmas tree and poinsettia kits. She told me she now assembles them to mark the start of the holiday season, and takes them apart when she’s over it. Storing them away until next year. I love that for her.

Me? Clearly they would stay in the box.

Those 15 and older account for almost 20% of total toy sales, according to Circana’s 2026 Global Toy Report. We’ve doubled our spending since 2020 on collectibles and nostalgia-led purchases. I’m just thrilled to be in the same cohort as a teen.

I understand the appeal. And I want to fit in and be a part of the group that goes giddy over toys. But I don’t. The Play-Doh is supposed to look pretty when it’s done. Mine won’t. The coffee mug I painted looked like a kindergartner did it. The canvas I painted went straight to the trash. And even if it did turn out, then what?

I’m realizing my toys need to serve a purpose, not just take up space. Like my NeeDoh, which I use on work calls to cut into my anxiety and prevent me from speaking up too quickly.

The Play-Doh is still in the box and I haven’t gotten rid of it. Yet. It’s only a matter of time before I pass it on to someone, likely unopened. It cost me $24.97 to pretend to be someone I’m not.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.

Ya know those truths slowly forming in the back of your mind? Before they’ve had time to solidify, has already articulated them. If her “The Summer I Stopped Checking” post were a song, I’d be listening on repeat. Hoping to eventually get the message.

My book group recently had a discussion about why we are a “group,” not a club. That a club can be viewed as exclusive or exclusionary. When I came across Jennifer’s The No Stress Club, I joined instantly. I wanted in, no matter what it takes. Any hope at getting rid of my angst? Yes please sign me up now thank you.

She speaks my language: ease and comfort, from the vantage point of an industry insider. She spent two decades doing digital strategy and merchandising for the brands we all buy. She says the quiet parts out loud. That there will always be more.

Jennifer takes action on her ideas. Have you sold anything on The Real Real? I could do a few posts filled with my horror stories of getting screwed. Jennifer’s solution: starting La Volta NYC, a consignment business. I already sent over a list of items I’d like her to consider when she adds jewelry.

Here’s what Jennifer will never consign.

Three Keepers

3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen

No. 1 — My great grandmother’s cameo brooch

My grandmothers were very practical and most days were spent in the kitchen or tending to children, but my great grandmother had a little more glamour and I still have her cameo brooch. I let my sister borrow it for a NY Fashion week and this question just reminded me that I need it back!!!

No. 2 — Matthieu Blazy for Chanel blazer

My Matthieu Blazy for Chanel black tweed blazer with unreal green buttons. I bought it for myself with my first year earnings of my Substack and consignment business to mark the accomplishment. When they ran my card it flagged as a fraud so I pulled over while driving my teenage girls in NYC to explain to them what a fraud alert is, why I got it (mommy has never made this big of a purchase in her life and not on Chanel’s radar!!!) and what this purchase signified to me.

No. 3 — British military cargo pants

My favorite vintage British military cargo pants that were upcycled by Alex Mill. They are so worn down that I bought back ups from Etsy but I still need to get them altered. I call them my emotional support cargo pants because they are so comfortable and make every outfit better.

One Regret

now the regret

A size too big leopard calf hair ballet flats from Christian Louboutin. I found them on overstock.com via a Pinterest hole and it felt like such an early 2000s throwback crazy find!! They are such a fantastic leopard but they only had a 9.5 so I went for it. They do not fit.

Why I’m Still Shopping

I know anything final sale is against my religion, but I’m always tempted to forget. Just today I had this dilemma with Kule’s going-out-of-business sale. How did I not know about this sooner? I’m subscribed to enough fashion Substacks that I feel I should be in the know. But no! The stripes were gone before I got there.

The City Pants were still available. I figured an 8 would be a safe size. They might be loose but should fit. If I get my more typical 6, it’s quite possible they wouldn’t fit at all, like the rag & bone white jeans I need in a 10. But would I really be OK missing out and never owning something from Kule?

I look around my office and it’s impossible to miss the pile of returns filling the corner. I don’t need more stuff to deal with. I need to remind myself there will always be more.

As for those shoes, Jennifer didn’t pass. I get it. They’re pretty great. And they’re actually almost my size.

Jennifer did something even better: she treated herself to a symbol of her success. Men do it every day. Women don’t. She pulled over the car in NYC to explain her decision, with her daughters as witnesses, fraud alert be damned.

I’m going to figure out what items I need to secure backups for. Then I’m going to invest in some emotional support clothing, for the days Radio is busy at a play date or going to the Beauty Parlor for spa treatments. It’s really for both of us.

Thank you to of The No Stress Club

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

I once tried paying my subway fare with postage stamps. Because I never have cash. I know the idea is to hide money somewhere, but if I do, I always find a way to spend it. Or forget where it is, only finding a crumpled $20 pushed somewhere months later. Probably with my missing Merit Lip Blush. And there is $7 in single bills in Radio’s orange fanny pack that holds his cookies and poop bags when we walk. It’s money we found at the park. We plan to donate it to a good cause. As soon as we remember to.

Even though I rarely use cash, I’m pissed that the President fired the penny. He did this last year. Now, there’s not enough.

Think about the last time you were in a gas station or convenience store, or anywhere people pay cash. There probably was a note at the counter telling you about the nationwide penny shortage.

The U.S. Mint struck the last penny Nov. 12, 2025. It’s still legal currency, and the 114 billion pennies in circulation still can be spent.

It costs the government 3.69 cents to make a penny, which is more than the coin is worth. Eliminating the penny is supposed to save the government $56 million a year. In turn, it will cost us $6 million annually. It’s been dubbed a “rounding tax.” But it equates to 2.3 cents per person per year.

Here’s the real rub: there are no rules. Without pennies, totals have to get rounded up or down to the nearest nickel to make change. The price of the item doesn’t change, but your total bill does when you pay cash. And there isn’t any agreement on how or when this happens. Do totals get rounded up or down? It’s a free-for-all, with every business making their own decision.

Currently 20 states have passed laws that outline how to address this. And while the intent of each of these laws is supposed to be similar, the variation is drastic. If you’re curious, here’s a tracker that shows what’s happening in each state. A majority haven’t passed any law.

Restaurants — an already struggling industry — are expected to be hit. A majority are rounding the final bill down, out of lawsuit fears. The National Restaurant Association says this is costing businesses about $13 million every month, which could add up to as much as $168 million a year. So it’s not a stretch to expect workers who rely on cash tips will be hurt.

And yes, it would be nice to think “oh this will just sort itself out.” It won’t. The only pennies available are those in circulation. And they’re sorta like socks: they disappear, one at a time. The pool shrinks day by day as pennies end up in jars, cars and couch cushions. The Fed tried when it reopened penny deposits in January and bank orders in March. But the Retail Industry Leaders Association, the trade group for big-box retailers, said the move shouldn’t be seen as a solution to the broader circulation problem. Translation: this ain’t a fix.

Not to be outdone, enter the nickel. Eliminating the penny means there is now more demand for nickels. The cost of minting a nickel? More than double the value of the coin. The Mint spends 13.8 cents to produce a nickel. So just like the penny, the government is also losing money on nickels.

So what if nickels go away? Then the cost of the rounding tax for consumers becomes larger: nine times the penny-only cost. That’s a real $55.58 million a year.

Enter Congress. The bipartisan Common Cents Act – yes, that’s really the name; it’s not a joke – was intended to set one policy for everyone, everywhere.

But, when the House approved it last month, a change was made to the bill. Now the rounding rules – when to go up or down – are merely guidance.

These are the recommendations that can be ignored:

• If a price ends in 1, 2, 6, or 7: it can be rounded down to the nearest nickel.

• If an amount ends with 3, 4, 8, or 9: it can be rounded up.

Even the language is loose: it “can be.” Maybe I can also just not pay my bill?

The House “recommendation” was sent to the Senate. Which clearly isn’t in a hurry to act. No vote is scheduled, and their “extended” recess starts Aug. 7. They won’t be back in session until Sept. 14.

At least I have $7 in my orange fanny pack. I may need it. Watch your wallet. Change is coming.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.

You know someone is stylish when they’ve been featured in places like InStyle, WWD and People StyleWatch. The closest I’ve ever come to that is being a paid subscriber. To all three. At the same time.

While I flip the pages, has been in them, where she defined her style as ‘tension.’ Think high/low. Soft/structured. Masculine/feminine. It’s never an all-or-nothing, rather a point of view between the extremes.

That’s how so much of life feels now. Like we’re existing within the opposites.

That same tension runs through Jamie’s résumé. She designed for brands we know and throw our money at. Hello Ralph Lauren, I’m talking to you. J. Crew, I tried but never got into you. And Gap — we go way back. Jamie designed the clothes I sold working the register. I was also in charge of markdowns, which I loved, because I kept a drawer of everything I was quietly marking down for myself.

And there’s Armani. A brand I wouldn’t be able to spot in a lineup. Which is probably the point.

At Vetted, Jamie does fashion her way, on her terms. With her tension. Respect.

Three Keepers

3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen

No. 1 — Skygarden Pendant Light

When I was the Head of Design for Piperlime, we had a store in Soho on Wooster street. It was a huge store and the creative team sourced everything from the rugs to the furniture to the fixtures. Everything was beautiful. When the CEO decided to close the store (long story) the leadership team was able to acquire some of these pieces and I came to own this gorgeous pendant chandelier. At the time we lived in a cute brownstone and had nowhere big enough or high enough to hang this light. I stored it in a little storage room we had where it took up most of the space and completely blocked the exit. For three years my husband asked if I was really going to keep storing this light and I told him that one day we’d have somewhere perfect to hang it. When we bought our house it was the first thing I had installed and I absolutely love it! Zero regrets.

No. 2 — Oversized blazer I’ve had for years

When I was in my 20’s I bought this double breasted wool blazer at Club Monaco. What I really needed was a classic fit blazer but they only had this one available two sizes too big. I tried it on, loved how it looked oversized and it’s honestly been one of my favorite pieces of clothing, on rotation for years! Because of its length and size, it can be worn as a blazer, but I’ve also worn it as a coat and a dress. I love a piece that stands the test of time and has a million end uses.

No. 3 — My pillows

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten very attached to my pillows. They are the perfect height stacked together and if my head is any higher or lower I don’t sleep as well and my neck hurts the next day. (As they say, aging is a bitch.)

When I stay in a hotel I test every pillow and combination of pillows to try to replicate the height of my pillows at home. I would take them with me everywhere if I could! The main pillow is a Casper…highly recommend! While it’s probably the perfect height for most people I like it a tiiiiny bit higher so I have a thin pillow under it lovingly referred to as Mr. Flats. Probably TMI, but I’d fight for them both!

One Regret

now the regret

My phone is both something I’d fight for and something I regret. I think if someone were to hack the satellite system and shut this whole thing down we all might actually breathe a giant collective sigh of relief. But alas, my phone is like an appendage and something I will continue to have a love-hate relationship with until we all have chips implanted and have no need to carry anything around.

Why I’m Still Shopping

After working with stylists who try to erase all the parts that make me, me, I embrace Jamie’s approach. “Always be yourself and dress in what makes you feel like the best version of yourself.”

For Jamie, that focus is utility and permanence. This is someone who let a light fixture take over the only storage she had, for three years, blocking the door. I’d have used it to stash shoes, coats and everything I couldn’t decide if I was ready to part with. Not Jamie. She knew the light pendant would be perfect. Somewhere. Someday. She had the vision, so the details were irrelevant.

As for sleep, precision is key. I thought I had it figured out: sound machine, eye mask and custom ear plugs. Now, of course, I’m going to have to look into pillows.

Jamie could see the beauty of a thick, boxy long-sleeve tee in summer. Not a piece you have to spend a few hundred dollars to get, but one we all could buy from the Gap. She showed us multiple ways to style the same black tee, which I bought and wore to see Rush that night.

No, my black-on-black-on-black look wasn’t one of Jamie’s recommendations. Had my partner read her email? Maybe that’s what he sensed, asking: “You know we’re not seeing Nine Inch Nails tonight, right?”

It’s a reminder that within all of that structure, some of it is unnecessary. We can let go of the binaries holding us back. Giving ourselves permission to be more creative, with everything. I will wear black-on-black. And let a blazer be a coat or a dress.

Shoutout and thanks to of Vetted for sharing her substance and style.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

With temperatures blazing across the entire globe, we’re all trying to figure out how not to melt. We want as little as possible touching our bodies. But with all this exposed skin, we’re reaching for anything that promises to cool us down. Especially a bottle of face mist.

The number of recommendations telling us to grab a jug and spray aggressively, repeatedly throughout the day, is comical. But stop, before you start to spray your day away.

Last year we spent more than $1 billion on face mist. The promise is that each pump will “hydrate, refresh, and revitalize the skin.” And then there is reality. This is water in a bottle. We spray it on our face, just so it can evaporate. You could stick your face in a water fountain and get the same effect. For free.

So why are we willing to pay a premium for something that’s barely there?

Since at least middle school I’ve wanted matte skin, free of acne and blemishes. Looking airbrushed, to the point of not existing. I didn’t want anyone to notice. That was my wish. No moisture. No blemishes. Nothing to blot away. Just non-shiny skin.

I know dewy skin is in now, hence the face mist allure, but for too much of my teenage life, I was called grease face because of my oily skin. So now I’m extra skeptical of anything that goes on my face that might bring about the shiny look I hate.

Evian was the first to introduce water in a pressurized aerosol can in 1962. But it’s only been in the past 15 years face mists have become an actual beauty category, seemingly new yet everywhere. Then, just like now, it’s only water.

For $7, you can get Mario Badescu’s Facial Spray, with aloe, cucumber and green tea. Or spend $95 for Augustinus Bader. It adds rose water and promises an “ultra-fine hydrating mist that tones, protects and soothes for a refreshed complexion.”

So what’s changed? Cue the influencers. By 2023, their endorsements led to 70% of face mist product purchases. That’s a lot of convincing. By 2035, spend on the category is expected to increase 60%.

But here’s the curious thing about the face mist. While we’re doing it to cool our skin and hydrate, it actually dries us out. Anything that contains water quickly evaporates, removing the moisture that was on the surface of your skin. And that can lead to dryness.

But wait, there’s more. Many of these products include alcohol, which makes everything that lands on the face disappear even more quickly. And it’s a second drying formula. So your efforts to look dewy result in a double whammy of dryness.

These concerns were raised by Dr. Joshua Zeichner in a Marie Claire piece in 2017. Before you write off an old article, remember chemistry hasn’t changed. It’s still good ‘ole H2O in a bottle.

Here’s something else funny about what we’re spraying on our face. Articles comparing different face mists acknowledge that any benefit is temporary, and it can actually increase dryness on your face. But then they go on to tell you why you should spend money that would buy a great sushi lunch for water in a can.

Don’t trust me. If you’re a fan of a specific face mist, look it up on Skinsort to see what’s inside. You can even compare different products.

Even products that may add beneficial ingredients, such as glycerin and hyaluronic acid, into the face mist are still diluted and less concentrated than any of the products you’re already paying top-dollar for and religiously using in the morning and at night.

But still, let’s assume a product does add something good to your skin. You then have to add moisturizer on top of it to keep it tucked into your pores. And that’s certainly not going to make you cooler.

Or let’s just say that you simply love using a face mist, to which I’ll cheer you on and say have at it. Like of and her $49 addiction.

“When I was a beauty editor, I was always reading about Caudalie Beauty Elixir. It was the height of luxury,” she said. “The first time I got one — OMG I was hooked. It felt ridiculously sophisticated.

“Even today, it’s a beautiful bottle and I keep it in the refrigerator in the summer. You spray it on your face and it smells great. It has this incredible cooling sensation. I still love it.

”But I have no illusion it’s hydrating me.”

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.

Who hasn’t wanted to start something from scratch? To own it and control it. For me, that would be a bookstore selling native plants. And serving amazing coffee. But no pastries, because I’d eat them all. Radio and I would work the hours we want, even though he’s not the best trained dog and sometimes jumps on people. But before I’ve finished dreaming, I’ve done the math. My idea would be a financial disaster — even celebrity authors have a tough go making the numbers work for a bookstore. And I’m over it.

Which is why I’m so glad the world has people like , founding editor of Geezer magazine. Where I can only see dollar signs, she did the thing. And I respect the hell out of her for that. She’s taken the idea and created a print publication – when nearly all have shut down – for “readers who believe in kicking ass in their second half.”

When I got my first copy of Geezer in the mail, I couldn’t figure out what it was. The over-large envelope (11 x 15) was from a return address I didn’t recognize. I figured it was something else I didn’t remember buying. When I opened it to reveal Issue No. 2 I was like a kid with the toy catalog at Christmas. This thing was awesome. Way bigger than any mail I typically get and far better than anything close to that heft in paper.

It’s gorgeous, a true work of art with pieces written by talented writers getting paid for their words. Geezer is a magazine that doubles as a coffee table book. I have mine out on display – proudly. Below is the cover of issue No. 2 with awesome art by .

Three Keepers

3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen

No. 1 — My diamond ring

My diamond ring, passed down from generations of women.

The lore is that my family was “minor royalty” in Germany, forced to flee an uprising in the mid-1800s. The women sewed their best jewelry into their clothing before setting out on an afternoon stroll. The family never returned home, catching a boat for the United States instead. This is the last of that jewelry, and even when my grandmother was 15 and penniless—canning spinach at the Del Monte factory in Monterey, California to support her brothers—she kept the ring.

I wear it every day to remind me of the strength and resilience of the woman who came before me. Read the full story of the ring at !

No. 2 — Wonder Woman mosaic portrait

I have been lucky to be surrounded by talented artists for most of my life, and the inimitable Jason Mecier is one of them.

He creates brilliant mosaics out of random stuff, turning trash into triumphs like my 36 x 26 inch portrait of Wonder Woman. (I also own a smaller portrait of Bette Davis made of beans and noodles.) If you look closely, you’ll see all sorts of hidden pop culture gems: a Krylon glitter container, half of what I’m pretty sure is Ultraman, an “I voted” sticker next to a used Hunt’s ketchup packet. Her skin is made of lyrics from Lynda Carter’s 1978 album, Portrait! (That’s meta on meta on meta.)

Jason and I used to perform together in San Francisco, doing these crazy drag queen rock musicals back in the 90s — so not only do I love the aesthetics of his artwork, but it reminds me of a time that is very close to my heart. Like, seriously...I used to be cool!

No. 3 — My mom’s groovy halter dress

This vintage 1970s halter was somewhere in my mom’s closet growing up, but I don’t remember appropriating it until I was in college. This, along with another super-cool 1960s mini-dress that I used as a costume when I played a hooker in the musical Sweet Charity, are the only two pieces of clothing I dragged with me throughout my life.

The audacity of these colors, the unrepentant jungle pattern, the insouciant plunge of the neckline – I love, love, love them all. While I’m not very flashy in my everyday wear, give me a chance to rock a costume in the right environment (this pic was taken during a friend’s roller-skating birthday party — so, yes, I am accessorizing with skates), and it is ON.

One Regret

now the regret

RIP my Ann Demeulemeester riding boots

While I’m in no way a fashionista, as the OG influencers were called, I have always understood the importance of quality footwear. Which is why in 2007 I plonked down $250 I didn’t have for a gorgeous pair of iconic black riding boots by Ann Demeulemeester, down from $800 at one of Barney’s legendary NYC warehouse sales.

At the time, I was an associate creative director in the advertising industry, which is second only to the fashion world in snobbery. In fact, one of my big clients was Louis Vuitton. So when I found these boots in my size I nabbed them on the spot. They made me feel powerful and posh, the perfect combination for an ambitious creative professional.

Sadly, they did not survive the great bed bug invasion of 2009, when I had to throw out everything I couldn’t heat to a bazillion degrees in the dryer. I remember the sadness of the moment when I said goodbye, shoving them unceremoniously into a large, sad trash bag. In hindsight, I should have sealed them up and shoved them in the back of my closet for a few years. But you don’t mess around when bed bugs come out to play, so I cut bait on anything that didn’t have sentimental value. Alas, in their absence, their sentimental value has grown.

Why I’m Still Shopping

Unlike Laura, I never was cool. I don’t have any royalty bloodlines or centuries-old diamonds, either. But what stories!

Now, I just want to be comfortable in my own skin, and I try by buying things. I’m far better off surrounding myself with people who are authentically themselves, shopping be damned.

When I travel, I never put a suitcase on the ground of any hotel room because I have a fear of what I might take home with me in the form of bed bugs. I also stopped using the coffee maker in the room, but that’s for another day. And apparently if we’ve got great stuff, bed bugs will come for all of us, anyway.

Today, instead of shopping, I’m supporting dreamers who are believers. They are making things happen in the world, and we can’t have enough of them.

Thanks to for playing. No matter your age, you won’t want to miss out on Geezer magazine showing up in your mailbox. It’s a real treat!

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson

Post-Game Report: Updates on the World Cup Financials

July 22, 2026: the over-time final game brought out the numbers.

• $1.2 billion: wagered predicting the World Cup winner

• $51 million: to Argentina for its victory

• $15 billion: revenue straight to FIFA, according to President Gianni Infantino, exceeding the expected $11 billion.

• 25 million: combined average viewers for semifinal games on Fox and Telemundo

Interesting take from on which brands won the most and why.

For those lucky enough to attend today’s match, where Spain and Argentina face off, you’ll be spending a pretty penny. Many, in fact. The 2026 World Cup final in New Jersey is expected to be the most expensive sporting event in U.S. history.

The cost for 1 person to attend is between $10K and $15K, and that’s just for the ticket, according to estimates from Forbes. Want to sleep within 1-mile of MetLife Stadium? The weekend bill is $4,500.

Some of the biggest winners of the World Cup are either mind-boggling or completely obvious. No in-between. Millions of fans have visited from all over the world to attend games across 39 days. Hits include hash browns from Waffle House. Duh.

Reactions to Waymo’s driverless cars are curious and cautious, like all of us the first time we ride in one. Then, the appeal is obvious. The cars are new and clean. And no one is trying to make small talk. It’s heaven.

The WSJ pins the biggest win on Ranch dressing, which International visitors are loving and slurping up. Last month Hidden Valley Ranch said sales were up 20%. Likely a result of the 60K packets of Ranch sent to stadiums for fans to indulge.

Many are trying to take their new-found delight home. To the point TSA had to do an official announcement telling travelers to pack their Ranch in a checked suitcase, only. Dressing isn’t allowed in a carry-on.

The U.S. hasn’t hosted the FIFA World Cup since 1994. Back when Bill Clinton was president. Remember him?

We didn’t even have a professional soccer team at the time. Now there are 27 teams in the US and 3 in Canada. As the rest of the world might say, we’re finally catching on.

Spending on ads during the 100-game tournament hit $857 million. More than half of that money is being spent on English-language content.

The spend has been spread across 4,500 different brands, which is pretty insane to wrap your brain around. The 20 official sponsors spent ~$309 million. But all of that is money spent just in the US and only through the semifinals, so the total number will be higher.

It’s a ton of money, but it’s also spread across dozens of games. For context, this year $720 million was spent on ads during the Super Bowl. I don’t even remember who played, but I did check out the commercials.

My take? It’s a refreshing change that we’re finally hearing about teams other than the ones that always dominate our attention. Yes I’m talking to you, Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees and Los Angeles Lakers. Although I did see Derek Jeter at Starbucks and swooned. Those eyes. So refreshing! Spend away.

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.

In my heart of hearts, I’d like to be a humor writer. I can say funny things, but I’m not good at exaggerating to the point of absurdity, which is often needed in comedy. I find truth stranger and more interesting than fiction. Especially in the nitty gritty details of life. The former reporter in me likes to dig.

actually does funny — for a living. I don’t remember how I came across her, but when I did, I became obsessed, a bit, and wanted to know every detail of her job life. Not in a creepy “call the authorities” way. But, if you’ll sit down with me I’ll ask you questions for days, kinda way. Laurel lands a one-liner, every time. And she does comedy IRL. Which I would never.

Laurel also writes comedy — with pieces in places where I can’t get published, including . On Substack she shares industry news, trends and writing jobs. Anyone who’s sharing gigs where writers get paid real money to be funny is basically a God in my book.

As Founder and Creative Director of Free Puppies, Laurel helps brands find their funny bone — and proves humor drives revenue. And she isn’t joking. As for the free puppies, who doesn’t want them? Probably anyone who’s had them recently and isn’t ready for another. But, when not a lot out there is fun or funny, bring it. Please.

Three Keepers

3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen

No. 1 — My SNL tickets

From 2009-2012, guests of the cast and writers at SNL reported to the illustrious “Laurel’s Line” on the lobby floor of 30 Rock to wait for a brutal tyrant to check their name on a clipboard, give them their show tickets, and have a trembling intern lead them through security up to Lorne Michaels’s office, cast dressing rooms, or the real party, the writers’ room. That tyrant was me and I kept one ticket from each show. They live in a bag in my home office to remind me that I once didn’t recognize the Coen brothers and Ed Norton complimented my f-me Louboutins.

No. 2 — Gold disc button necklace

My great-grandfather lived in a version of Chicago where, when it was a REAL party, men wore white tie with fancy ass buttons. When my grandmother passed I inherited a dozen or so of such buttons. Each is a flat gold disc topped with a diamond. My dad had them put on a gold cord so I can wear them as a necklace for my REAL parties, which I hope to have someday. Right now my social roster is mostly toddler Storytimes at public libraries.

No. 3 — Phone

My phone, because it’s a major organ I use more often than my liver (I’m sober).

One Regret

now the regret

During Covid I felt that if the world was probably ending, and I was a hardworking, single 30-something writer and woman, I may as well go down owning property. I bought a house I couldn’t really afford, but guess what? The damn world bounced back! Wait, a mortgage is how long?! Eff! I actually sold that house yesterday and now I can get my boobs done. Kidding! Save for college, of course. America!

Why I’m Still Shopping

I’ve never forgotten a quote from someone in the beer business when I was a reporter: “You can laugh with a beer or cry with a beer.” Clearly Laurel is choosing to laugh, just without the beer.

Memories come in all forms, from pieces of paper to a hand-me-down necklace made from buttons with diamonds. Laurel proves that truth is way more interesting than fiction.

I write a lot about money and the surrounding decisions. Rarely does someone own a choice that didn’t add up for them financially. I’ve met too many people who are house rich and cash poor. They suffer, refusing to make the change that would make life doable. Laurel made the bold decision and sold the house. I want to celebrate this and throw her a roller skating party. Although that’s how I busted out my front tooth in fourth grade. So maybe not.

Alas, Laurel and I aren’t the same. I live in flats and can’t stomach a heel taller than 2 inches, and even that’s a stretch most days. Her fantasy is to be in the “What’s In My Bag” feature in US Weekly. I fear showing up as a fashion “Don’t” in Glamour. Which is why I will probably be forever shopping, trying to feel like I got it right.

Huge thanks to of Free Puppies, which comes out twice a week full of comedy news, jobs, trends, and gossip!

When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.

Rani Monson