3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.
When I started to see images of mature women on Substack, impeccably dressed, I stopped scrolling. They appeared in twos and threes, and I was smitten. They pushed against my perceptions. “That’s art,” I thought.
I got curious and had to know who was behind this, which is how I “met” Elian Monjack of In the Name of Clothes. The 37-year-old stylist focuses on secondhand designer fashion. She’s also been sharing images of women who let their hair go gray, smile so you can see their wrinkles, and haven’t face-lifted themselves to death. They radiate from the screen in a way that announces these women are comfortable in their own skin. That’s how I want to be in this world. Someday.
Elian believes older women are society’s true influencers.
Three Keepers
3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen
No. 1 — Grandmother’s earrings
My grandmother passed away almost a year ago. She was like a mother to me and a good friend, and I learned so much about life through her eyes. She's the reason why I admire so many people who are older than me. I used to listen to her stories about when she was younger and how life was then. She lent me these earrings to wear at my wedding, and they were her favorite pair. She left them to me because she knew I loved them so much. I am very sentimental about everything that has to do with her.
No. 2 — Cabinet from 1920
My husband found this cabinet from 1920 in a thrift shop a few years back, and I hated it. It looked very old, but in the bad kind of way. The wood had turned yellow and it was peeling off in some parts, but he really liked it, so I said okay, let's get it. A few months ago we moved into our house, and he did a major renovation on it. It looks old now, but in the best way possible, and I'm just obsessed with it. It's amazing what some new color can do to a piece of furniture.
No. 3 — Ulla Johnson thrifted jacket
Ulla Johnson jacket I thrifted back in May. I have many secondhand items that I really love, but this is my absolute favorite. It's handmade, with a patchwork-like vibe, and so comfy. It was $735 and I got it for $162, which is a good amount of savings, and one of the reasons why I'm so obsessed with secondhand.
One Regret
now the regret
I'm usually very intentional about what I buy, so buying something and regretting it is a rare thing for me. But we are all human, and I do have one item that I bought a year and a half ago and have never worn! It's an Ulla Johnson silk dress. It was like $30-something, so I got really excited, and I could imagine myself wearing it, but it never happened. My rule of thumb is that if I don’t wear something for over a year, it has to move on to the next home.
Why I’m Still Shopping
Unlike Elian, I would be hard-pressed to call myself “intentional” in my shopping. My approach is order lots, hope for the best but expect the worst. That means hours of buying and returning in the hopes of finding one thing that sorta kinda works. Which I’ll then reconsider next week.
It’s why I haven’t gotten good at shopping secondhand — you can’t return it. I need to get better at understanding what I already have and identifying the gaps, not just the things that make me swoon.
I’ve gone thrifting once recently and took a friend to say no when I might not. I’m starting with belts, even though I rarely wear one. I want to be a belt person.
I need to borrow Elian’s rule of thumb so I can move out the items gathering dust in my closet. Which is full of mistakes. And regrets. But they don’t make me nearly as emotional as the bush I killed when I relocated it in the backyard. I must not have gotten all the roots and now it’s turned the color of hay. It breaks my heart, but I refuse to remove it. A reminder? Or punishment to myself?
I’m going to keep studying the women in Elian’s photos. I, too, can see power in a lived-in face, body and soul. I’ll take their strength by osmosis if I have to. Clearly I’m not there. I haven’t let my hair go gray — yet. And I have a Botox appointment this week, before I get my nails done. Next week is hair.
Thanks to Elian - In The Name Of Clothes.
When life stops making sense, we shop stare out the window and think big thoughts. More soon.
Join Jennie Egerdie of BEST PARTY, WORST HOUSE and me for The Return Window. Live Thursday night. We’ll be discussing Jennie’s new book Frog And Toad Make History.
Check out these other women who also have a knack for buying secondhand.
3 Keepers & a Regret: Sade Strehlke
You will cry with jealousy at what Sade has scored on Facebook Marketplace.
3 Keepers & a Regret: Jennifer Galante Han
Are you over The Real Real? So is Jennifer. She started her own consignment business because she was tired of getting screwed.