3 Keepers & a Regret: Staci—Millennial AF
The things worth keeping -- and the sandals that are on notice.
3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.
Staci—Millennial AF writes about the small earthquakes of being alive — the pathetic protein pizza, eavesdropping on the crazy neighbor through the open window, the horror of our dog’s bad haircut — with the same emotional register most of us reserve for actual emergencies. That’s what I can’t quit about Millennial AF. She gets the stakes of the mundane. So do I.
I want her to be running an illegal mahjong gambling ring — with the vibes of the 2005 show Weeds — but maybe it’s innocent. Tune in to find out.
Three Keepers
3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen
No. 1 — My grandma’s earrings
This was my first piece of “real” jewelry, inherited from my grandma. My second piece of “real” jewelry came from my ex, another pair of earrings that I wore every single day. Suddenly, my ears had standards. They had grown accustomed to real metal, and no longer wanted some $10 piece of mystery alloy shoved into them.
Then, we broke up. It became difficult to separate the earrings from the relationship, but unfortunately my ears had already experienced luxury. And because I had just gotten laid off, I couldn’t exactly justify buying myself diamonds.
Luckily, I remembered my grandma’s earrings. She wore them in the 80s and 90s, but they never really felt like me. Now I’ve realized that they’re actually the perfect bezel stud, and I would have actually spent money on them now. They’ve become my everyday earrings.
No. 2 — Heated throw blanket
I love going to the club (Costco). You truly never know who you’ll meet there. Last fall, I met a heated throw blanket, and we had immediate chemistry.
The heating situation in my apartment is less than ideal, so this heated blanket became my situationship. We spent all day, every day together on the couch.
It’s the perfect size, allowing my feet and shoulders to be warm at the same time. The button to control it is subtle, making it all around less clunky than my previous one. Did I mention it’s soft? It’s soft.
We’re currently taking a break for summer, but I look forward to reconnecting in the fall.
No. 3 — Prequel’s Milk Peel
I thought my acne would instantly go away the day I turned 18. Well, lol.
Instead, adulthood cursed me with acne and wrinkles. Every skincare purchase felt like I needed to decide between which one I wanted to fight. Until I started using Prequel’s Milk Peel.
It’s similar to the infamous Dr. Gross pads, but is actually somewhat affordable. The bottle is massive, and you can use it all over your body. I’ve noticed a huge difference in my skin. Multiple people have complimented me on it, and I’ll forever be riding that high.
One Regret
now the regret
I don’t know what I was thinking… I read an article about these being the “it” shoe with the youth and immediately added to cart. I was excited to have a sandal that was comfortable and supportive.
How did I know they were comfortable and supportive? Well, I spent years wearing them in my teens and twenties. I even backpacked all around Europe in them. That pair of sandals had more interesting stories than most adults. So I just assumed they’d be the same now.
Well, they’re not.. While I may have once pranced around an entire continent in them, I’m now struggling to wear them in a grocery store. The sizing feels weird. I thought they’d give me the young, fun, wannabe surfer vibe I once yearned for, but so far they’ve only given me blisters.
They’re also more expensive than I’d like to spend on a sandal; most of mine come from a Target BOGO sale. But I believe a good sneaker is important, so I convinced myself that a good sandal would be as well. At this point, I’m sticking with them because of the financial commitment. My geriatric millennial feet and I hope they’ll one day be broken in.
Why I’m Still Shopping
Isn’t Staci great? We’re cursed with the same things: acne and wrinkles. The combination should be outlawed.
We’ve both also lived through the audacity of holding onto jewelry gifted by an ex. It’s even worse when it’s something you’d have bought yourself. I’ve worn mine out, with the sole intention of giving it to the first person who compliments it. The idea is legit but the execution isn’t. It requires so much explaining and a “just take the damn thing” doesn’t work. The burden of keeping the stuff attached to the people we’re supposed to be done with.
As for Costco, Staci nails why I struggle to let Instacart deliver my purchases. Sure, it means I don’t have to leave the house. But then I miss out on the “what if” possibilities that only Costco can deliver. Where a pallet of goods placed in your path just may transform your life. And at a price that’s unbeatable? That’s a club I want to be a member of.
As for keeping that purchase even when it hurts us, who can’t relate. The financial commitment isn’t enough. We force ourselves to wear the mistake — literally — because admitting the loss is worse than the pain.
Thanks to Staci—Millennial AF for your comical candor. Be sure and subscribe to Millennial AF.
When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.
3 Keepers & a Regret: Sari Botton
Leaving New York, keeping everything. The things we hold onto, even when we know better.
3 Keepers & a Regret: Amy Suto
A working writer. No impulse buys. No sentiment. Everything earns its place.
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Don't tempt me with running a Mahjong ring, Nancy Botwin is an icon...