3 Keepers and a Regret is a recurring series on Retail Therapy on Substack where I ask people I admire to name 3 things they’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen — and 1 thing they regret.
Anyone who makes me stop my scroll and snort with laughter makes me curious and jealous. Which is why I kept looking when I stumbled upon Vivian Manning-Schaffel of MUTHR, FCKD.
Can reporters sniff each other out? Maybe it’s recognizing someone else who doesn’t know how to stop asking questions. But that’s where the similarities end.
My first full-time reporting job proved true what I’d been promised: “you won’t make any money in journalism.” Even working at a legitimate daily newspaper, I got paid $28,500. A year.
I bailed and pivoted to corporate. Not writing words for others, but building software. Which definitely made it easier to make the maximum contribution to my 401(k).
Viv stayed in journalism. She voiced her opinions and got work because she embraced her beliefs. She also shows up as real, owning the imbalance we all contain. For Viv that means “deep thoughts” and “petty bullshit” — her Substack tagline. Yes, both can be true.
Maybe we’re lost souls, words crossing in the night? The shit Viv says is so real, and she’s always willing to throw some snark. I’m in.
Three Keepers
3 things you’d fight to keep — bought, inherited, stolen
No. 1 — My mom's engagement ring
This is hard because I could easily list WAY more than three things, but I'd have to say my mom's engagement ring. In my culture, baubles were one of the only ways girls could ever inherit anything. No FCKNG way it's ever leaving my cold, dead hands. My own engagement ring won't either.
No. 2 — Familial Memorabilia
This includes marital memorabilia and any pix of my kids, at any time in their lives, along with a small, tight selection of their drawings, clothing, and random sundry items from their childhood. Should they ever want to write a memoir, they'll have the goods. Because they're my muses, I'm going to take the liberty of grandfathering my paintings under this umbrella.
No. 3 — Leather jackets & jeans
My vintage leather jacket collection and Rag and Bone Jeans, always bought on sale. Goddess help me, they're the only jeans that do right by my ass.
One Regret
now the regret
While under the influence of Paris, I bought a gorgeous green silky Cotélac dress a size or two too big, because the discount store lured me in on my way to a meet-up and I lacked the patience to try it on. Given my height (or lack thereof), it just doesn’t work. I found it impossible to resist the low, low prices of 50 euros after a spritz. But my loss could be someone else’s gain. I’m selling it, BTW, in case anyone’s interested. It’s only a little wrinkled because I flew it home.
Why I’m Still Shopping
Viv’s keepers are sentimentally sassy, which I find so satisfying. I have my grandmother’s wedding ring and I, too, will treasure it until the day I die. It’s precious to me.
As for the mistake, Viv made one she can put back on the market. Meanwhile, the rest of us are still wearing ours. Or burying it in the closet, trying to forget.
But it’s ok. I’m busy imagining what my collection of vintage leather jackets would look like. If I had one. Or the closet space for such a stash. Would it be as big as I’m imagining?
Surely it would have color, including the light-pink suede one I never should have parted with. Or the white leather blazer I gave away to a former friend.
Now I’m on the hunt for a black leather jacket that I want to fit like a glove. Which means I could wear it over a shirt or a sweater, but not both. I saw a woman wearing one a year ago in a restaurant. I’m still kicking myself for not stopping her to ask about it. And yes, I’ve tried AI to help me find it. No luck.
I wish I had any ass confidence, brand of jeans be damned. But since Viv brought up rag & bone, we’ll go there. I’ve been so desperate to find a pair of jeans that are comfortable enough to wear that I’ve expanded to all the brands and given up on finding anything on sale.
So I had already decided to “treat myself” — i.e. suck it up and pay full price for their bone-colored pair — before I went to the store. But then I had to go up two full sizes. Other people act like “sizing up” is no biggie. It feels like a thing to me.
On me, it was a good color with a decent stretch, which I prefer for long work days when traveling. But you could see the front inside pockets. Which made me self-conscious. Could you see them because my legs looked like chubby sausages?
I asked why they were see-through and was informed that most clients take them to a tailor and have the pockets “professionally removed.” Like that’s a normally required expenditure to wear a pair of pants. On a $288 pair of jeans that I still had to pay to have shortened.
I took the sparkling water and left. And I still don’t have any bone-colored jeans.
Shout-out and thanks to Vivian Manning-Schaffel of MUTHR, FCKD
When life stops making sense, we shop avoid trying on jeans. More soon.
