The Best $180 I Ever Spent Went Into My Ears
Plus: everything your audiologist wishes you'd ask — including the blackhead thing
For the week of Thanksgiving one year, we decided to ditch all familial obligations and nurse our vices in New Orleans. Alone. Which basically meant a week of gluttony: rich meals, late nights and live music. Sleeping on the floor in the hallway of our oversized room in the French Quarter wasn’t part of the plan.
But that’s where I found myself in the middle of the night, begging my body to sleep. My partner’s snoring had gone from being loud to a “call the authorities” noise disturbance. I tried to cover myself in a tent of pillows, but I couldn’t escape his exhales. I’m already a bad sleeper. This was my worst hell.
The next morning I bought a generic box of disposable ear plugs at 7-Eleven. These were hard, hurt and kept falling out. But I sorta slept.
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Once home, in search of a perfect fit, I learned ear plugs came in various sizes and the color of the foam indicates the level of squishiness. My sleep arsenal already included sleep masks and white noise. Blocking out noise while I slept was helping, if they stayed in all night. Often I’d wake up to find a stray bud lost in my hair.
I built up an impressive collection of more than 300 disposable plugs. Purchases included: HEAROS Sleep Pretty in Pink; Mack’s: Slim Fit Soft and Original Soft Foam; and three different styles from Howard Leight: Women Earplugs, Honeywell Laser Lite and Honeywell Maximum Disposable. On rare occasions, I got both plugs in perfectly. But more often than not, I still struggled to muzzle my partner’s nightly commotion and woke up.
It didn’t matter which brand I tried, or how hard I shoved them into my ears, I just couldn’t find my perfect pair. Turns out I was trying too hard. And I actually rubbed my inner ears raw. I’m not a wimp. I don’t need numbing cream for botox and filler. I can handle physical discomfort. But holy hell, scratching the inside of your ear is painful. To the point I got concerned I’d done real damage and went to an Ear Nose and Throat doctor.
That’s how I learned I’d scratched my inner ears — and that I needed to go custom.
“Custom? Like custom clothing?” I asked.
Custom? Like custom clothing?
Exactly that. I went to an audiologist for custom earplugs. They are more expensive than the disposable ones, but they’re reusable by design. Simply wash with gentle soap and warm water. They last a few years and my most recent pair cost $180. Hands down, it’s the best money I’ve ever spent and I finally can sleep. Most nights.
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The difference, in the nights when I can sleep, is almost surreal. I’ve had professional sleep studies done, but never did things like noise disturbances get taken into account. The focus was always on breathing and possible sleep apnea. Not once did anyone ask what else might be in my sleep environment. Like my partner, who sounds like an airplane on a fast descent after all its engines stopped working.
Recently I went back to the audiologist because the removal stem was breaking off. While there getting fitted for molds, I started asking Angela John, a Doctor of Audiology in Dallas, some questions.
“Why do I get blackheads in my ear?” I asked her. I was relieved to hear it’s not just me. She actually said the space in our ear is similar to the skin on our nose.
Why do I get blackheads in my ear?
I invited her to join us for a Retail Therapy Substack Live: AMA on Ears. Dr. John, who I should say I paid full price to see – $180 for the new pair – graciously agreed. Join us Wed. May 13 at 3:45pm CST for a Substack Live with Dr. John. Bring your questions. Nothing is too odd or gross.
📅Retail Therapy Substack Live: AMA on Ears 📅
Wed. May 13 at 3:45pm CST
with Angela John, Doctor of Audiology
➡️➡️Join Live ⬅️⬅️
Bring your questions. Nothing is too odd or gross.
Got questions? Pop them into the comments and let’s get the list going.
Cheers to spending our time and money well!
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A problem so many face!