I Stress-Tested the NeeDoh. I Won But Am Not Okay.

Turns out destroying something indestructible isn't as satisfying as it sounds.

I Broke the Indestructible NeeDoh

Shit I broke it. The allegedly indestructible NeeDoh wasn’t having a great week. It popped like a pimple.

I was on a work call with my boss, twisting and releasing the corner of my neon pink NeeDoh cube, watching it recover. I kept pinching. But one twist went too far. It started to ooze. Clear sticky gel quickly covering fingers on both hands, so I couldn’t put myself on mute or turn the camera off.

“Um yeah I need to take a break for a minute,” I said to my boss, shrugging my shoulders and showing him the remains of my NeeDoh, now covering my hands.

I could repair it with Gorilla Glue, according to Reddit readers. Of course this didn’t surface until after it was already a corpse, buried deep in the trash.

“Yeah, you better go get that off. I think that stuff is toxic,” he replied with a shrug. He used the pause to go grab another Monster energy drink.

I had to use the dish scrubber to release the stuck gunk; soap alone wouldn’t do it. Fearing the stuff could be toxic, now that it had been mentioned, I knew we couldn’t take a risk with our food. The brush joined what had been my stress release in the trash.

“What happened to the dish brush?” my partner bellowed at me later that night, he was in the kitchen and I was in my office, music on.

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The Most In-Demand Item on Earth, Destroyed

Clearly my boss was stressing me out. My response? Destroy the most in-demand item on earth — the one you can’t find for any amount of money. It was supposed to absorb my angst. Instead, it exploded because of it.

And it was the one thing I owned that made me feel relevant because everyone wants one and can’t find it anywhere. It was displayed on my desk, showed off during meetings and proudly discussed at work dinners.

Now what can I talk about?

And Then the Vitamix

You’ve had weeks like this, right? Where the things that are meant to hold us together just...don’t.

Then my Vitamix blender started to malfunction. I’m not sure which happened first: the visible smoke or the putrid smell. I shut it off and decided to inspect the bottom of the container. Which of course I was then dumb enough to touch, burning the tip of my finger. Filled with all the ingredients that were meant to be a relaxing smoothie, I didn’t know what to do. So I just set the entire thing in the sink and walked away.

But it puts me in a bit of a pickle. The only two foods I can reliably make are eggs and smoothies. Eating is already a total pain in the ass. Now what do I do with that beet I just bought?

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I called Vitamix to figure out my options, and the rep wanted to know what is my favorite thing to make with my blender.

“Uh, smoothies,” I replied.

I’m already feeling like a loser — I’ve destroyed the things that are supposed to help me. Dear God, do not try to shame me because I don’t use my blender to make a souffle. I’m not in the mood.

It’s bad enough when the world is already making you feel like you’re not enough. But when your stuff starts to agree, that’s a whole new low.

And what does it say about me, when my stuff starts attempting a coup?

“You know, we have lots of great recipes you can find for free on our website,” I was informed.

“Great, I’ll tell my husband. He does the cooking,” I replied, just wanting it to be over. My machine wasn’t under warranty.

The Financial Decision Nobody Needs

I could spend $159.95 to replace the 48 ounce container I just stripped. In which case I had to hope I didn’t damage the motor. Or, spend $299 for a brand new machine.

I ordered the container. I’ll spend the difference trying to replace my NeeDoh by doing what rarely works — throwing money at the problem. This time I’m going for the Gummy Bear.

What's your most recent “I definitely did not need that” purchase that you absolutely must have? Comments are open. Let’s chat!

Cheers to spending our time and money well!

Rani Monson

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