Red Is Having a Moment. My Feet Are Not.
Seven sandals, zero answers, one more on the way
Red has waved in and out of fashion for 8,000 years. Right now it’s back — cherry, oxblood or poppy. Some call it a backlash to the all-neutral wardrobe that looks and feels like a field of oats.
My obsession started with Lindsay Sword’s post about pairing brown and red, in what she dubbed “Khaki + Cherry.” I’ve got the pull-on pants. And the longer length shorts that are everywhere, just waiting in my closet to be worn. I became convinced this is the combo I need to nail.
My brain translated this challenge into a red shoe. But not a flat, closed-toe number that makes my feet feel like they’re suffocating. A sandal that’s cute and walkable, yet minimal. A curious juxtaposition to everything already in my closet. I get regular pedicures and want to show off my piggies because I live in Texas. Which basically feels like an armpit, so you want air anywhere you can get it.
My tenacity is based on a belief. Like maybe if I get the shoe right, the rest of it will look right, too. And then it will look like I’ve got it together. Even when I don’t. Especially when I don’t.
Easy, right? Wrong.
Rag & Bone Gracie Jelly Thong: $178
This was supposed to be the one. The first I ordered and first to arrive. I’m typically a size 9 in US sizes but a 40 in EU. I ordered the 10. It fit, in that it wasn’t too small. But wow this is a horrible shoe. While it’s sorta fun and maybe cute, it’s nothing like the visions in my head. And it hurt like hell. Just putting it on my foot hurt. The jelly was like hard plastic and scraped across the top of my foot.
The nub between your big toe was so painful, and then had something hard wrapped around the strap that made it even larger than normal, uncomfortably stretching the space between my toes. Your bare feet are on the ground with jelly on top. If you’re outside and it’s hot enough, I can imagine this entire shoe melting around your foot.
No.
Tkees: Aqua, $55, and Square Toe Lily, $85
Someone I know saw a pair and thought they were the $4 cheapies you get for summer camp. But Substack has made it very clear that Tkees earned the “flip-flop of the summer” badge.
The Sol Red shade is great, if it were nail polish. Footwear is meant to be protective. These aren’t. I’m certain the heat from the pavement would pass through the shoe and burn the bottom of my foot. Then I’d either step on glass or a nail. Medical attention and a likely ER visit seem inevitable.
No.
Sanuk: Yoga Spree 4, $29.95; Yoga Matt II, $39.95
I’ve worn these in the past, but it’s been years. The last 2 pairs I ordered — yellow and red — both got stolen off my front porch. The schtick is that it’s made from a yoga mat. Who cares? It basically felt like standing on a pile of oatmeal mush, which could move the wrong way and you could risk twisting an ankle. I’ve definitely practiced on firmer mats.
I liked the look of the Yoga Spree 4. Probably because it’s “Khaki + Cherry,” which has likely imprinted on me. Apparently I really wanted this brand to work. I bought 2 different styles, each from a different place. Neither are worth owning.
No.
FitFlop Women’s iQushion, $38
Looking down, it’s the look I’m going for. But from any other angle, the chunky soul offsets the minimalism. I could live with if, it had the fit. I ordered my normal size 9 and it was tiny. It looked like it came from Baby Gap.
But even if I could find the right fit, it just didn’t feel nice. It was just sorta…there. Like its purpose for being wasn’t clear.
No.
Clarks Breeze Sea, $33.70
I don’t love the white chunky bottom because it’s so prominent. The size 9 was too tight, everywhere.
I got the 10 and it’s hardly any bigger. I won’t size up again. This is my only contender in the closet. Unworn, still in the box.
Maybe.
Archies Arch Support, $40
Clearly the Internet gods are onto me, as this pair got presented to me. Not a brand I’m familiar with. Reviews are mixed. Like hot yoga, people either love it or hate it.
I’m already this far, so really, what was one more pair to buy? Unfortunately, they’re not expected to arrive until next week. Which is like forever away. I’m unsure on the Coral color, because that can show in such different ways. But if it feels good on my foot I’m keeping it, color be damned.
Hopeful.
What have you been hunting this season, that should be simple, but isn’t. Share!
When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.
I love going along on the journey. Red is my favorite color (see: Red Purse of Justice, lol) but have the worst time finding flat shoes.