Sayonara, Slop Bowl
Portions are shrinking, prices are rising, and the founder of Chipotle is already out. So are we.
Sayonara slop bowl. We’re bored by your basicness, bordering on bitterness. You’ve overstayed your welcome and we’re moving on.
“One of the worst parts of being an adult is figuring out what to eat every day,” Staci—Millennial AF said.
One of the worst parts of being an adult is figuring out what to eat every day Staci—Millennial AF
She’s right. We’ve got 44K fast casual restaurants surrounding us and nothing to eat.
Portions are shrinking and prices are increasing — at a time when everyone has become more price sensitive, even if you’re not living paycheck to paycheck. Our complaints are as long as the list of ingredients we can add to our bowl.
We’re done spending $25 for bland taste and texture thrown in a bowl with protein lumped on top. Especially when you can get a poke bowl for the same price.
Places that focus on custom slop bowls — think Chipotle and Sweetgreen — are scrambling to stay relevant among the bowl backlash. It’s not working.
We’re done suffering. Long lines, food that looks picked over, not fresh. Nobody is willing to eat one more meal void of personality.
Your meal is served in some cardboard concoction that looks how it tastes. I don’t think wood pulp is what my nutritionist had in mind when she told me to eat more roughage.
We’re demanding some diversity in our diet — even when we’re pounding our protein. But nobody is going to eat a cup of meat. We want to be certain we’re eating food, not the container.
Chipotle's Founder Has Left the Building
Even the founder of Chipotle, Steve Ells, is over the bowl. His new concept, Counter Service, is a bowl-free zone that only sells sandwiches in Manhattan spots.
The only chain that’s been immune to our boredom, according to its financial reports, is CAVA. Store traffic is up nearly 10% but I don’t get it. I was a fan of its predecessor, Zoe’s Kitchen, because of the menu variety. It offered items I knew I couldn’t make at home. As for CAVA, it tastes like it looks – blah and brown.
Sweetgreen I don’t even bother with. After I got greens served brown I was done.
Next Up: DIY
The real question is how low will the bowl go. Already we’re paying more and getting less. Is the next step doing the work ourselves?
I imagine we’re not far from the time where it’s just like going into FedEx. Every time you go in, they shout at you about the self-serve stations. Soon I expect to be handed my own bowl and tongs.
🍴Where are you eating? I’m out of ideas and I want some.
When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.
My Hello Kitty socks got me in trouble at work. I wrote about it. This week, Hello Kitty got Donald Trump several million dollars richer.
➡️Read both, in order, for the full arc.
I Was Told the Only Cashmere I Owned Looked Like a Sweatshirt
How what we wear to work costs more than money. And Hello Kitty socks.
When you’re on deadline as a reporter, your only focus is the clock. The minutes you have left to file your story. So when my boss came up behind me at my desk, where I was focused on the words, I didn’t think anything of it.
Trump Bought Sushi Stock. Hello Kitty Is the Reason.
Hello Kitty got Donald Trump several million dollars richer. I find myself wondering what it means when the President of the United States and I have a shared aesthetic. For Hello Kitty.
Couldn’t agree more. It’s insane how much these bowls can cost. I watched my 18yo cousin make a way more delicious bowl with ingredients in my own kitchen and realized what an idiot I’d been.