New show starts tonight! I go live with the stuff I'm sending back. Not a haul. The opposite of a haul — 7:15 PM Central.
Return Window
Return Window: the rejects. The things I spent my money on and now spend my time boxing up to send away. I want them gone and my money back. Consider this my public service announcement in response to all the stuff Substack told us to buy. I’m not naming the people, just the products.
Three pair of shoes, all from the same brand. In my never-end quest for perfect sandals. Cute and comfortable. Function and fashion. Feels impossible
Final Sale
Final Sale: the shit we’re stuck with. No returns, no exchanges. Not even the annoying store credit that forces you to buy something you don’t want. Some of it I bought. The rest we’re all just paying for. Lately, it’s mostly politics. You were warned.
Asinine Electric-Shock Gloves for ICE
I wish I could believe that spending $20 million on gloves that deliver electric shocks is a passive aggressive way for ICE to acknowledge they can’t control their guns. But it’s not. It’s just another inhumane way to harm innocent people.
But I do look forward to hearing about all the ones who can’t control themselves. And touch themselves a lot. While still wearing the gloves.
Ann Telnaes Tells it Best…With Pictures
Tariff Takedown
Remember all those illegal tariffs we’ve been paying? Already $100 billion has been refunded back to these companies that collected the money from us. We’re just not seeing anything because many are just pocketing the money and reporting it as profit.
Take retailer Dillard’s. Sales were up 1%, which is nothing. The company reported net income of $98 million for the second quarter. Nearly one-third came from the $37 million in tariff refunds it received.
And this is on the small side. Read about the billions of dollars we’re not getting back.
The $2,150 Necklace Trump Still Owes Me
Trump first promised us a $2,000 dividend from all the collected tariffs in Nov. 2025. In Feb. of this year, the Supreme Court killed the tariffs and called them illegal taxes. Five days later, Trump re-promised us our dividend checks at the State of the Union. I’m afraid I’ve spent mine. More than once.
People Getting Too Many Chances
I want to know if Phia co-founder Phoebe Gates would have a chance in hell at a second shot if her dad was one of the richest people on the planet.
If you haven’t kept up on how this startup has stolen money from people who actually have to make a living to survive, Ali Kriegsman has all the details over on New Motives.
Abortion
Abortion is completely banned in 13 states, including Texas, where I live. It’s insane. Several other states ban the procedure early in pregnancy (such as at 6 weeks), which heavily restricts or virtually halts access.
Author Laurie Frankel wrote the book Enormous Wings, detailing what it’s like living in a state where abortion is illegal and need to terminate a pregnancy.
Laurie is my guest next week on The Return Window. Women’s Rights have become a Final Sale. This shit sucks.
Keepers
Keepers: what’s bringing us delight. I won’t name the people whose stuff I’m returning. I’ll absolutely name the ones who got it right.
Senate Race Toss-Up in Ohio & Texas
One of the best things I’ve read all week. The Cook Political report now views the US Senate races in Ohio and Texas as a toss-up.
Finally, as someone who lives in Texas, I may actually have representation from someone who’s views align with mine. I get chills thinking that James Talarico has a shot at becoming the Senator from Texas. The last thing any of us need is yet another criminal in Washington.
Apparently Money Can’t Buy Everything
The one Place Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg and Jared Kushner can’t buy their way into? An old-school country club in Miami that isn’t interested in the nouveau riche. This article in the WSJ (gift link) is giving me everything I need right now.
The Return Window Aug. 27 7:15 PM Central
Join me and author Laurie Frankel next week for a live conversation. Bring your commentary and cocktail. The chat will be open.
When life stops making sense, we shop. More soon.
